Martian Knock-Offs: The Incredible Hulk

So you're asking yourself, what would I have in common with a muscle-bound simpleton like the Hulk? Well you see, this big gray lug first popped up back in 1962, but he didn't exactly make a splash. Been there. By then I'm sure folks had their fill of Frankenstein types. I went with "alien visitor," which wasn't so fresh by '55. Klaatu barada nikto, and all that. But y'know, in the second issue of Hulk's book, he turned from gray to green. Even though his series was canceled with issue six, that emerald hue I know so well has that certain something that can nab a guy steady work as a back-up. Heck, he actually split Tales to Astonish with Sub-Mariner, the way I timeshared House of Mystery with good ol' Robby Reed. Eventually, Hulk took over the entire magazine. My house became infested with anthology horror, but them's the breaks. Hulk become a well-known but only partially respected fixture of the Marvel Universe, his title perpetually on the verge of cancellation for twenty years. I know exactly what that's-- waitaminute! That could've been me! Hulk steal Manhunter dream life! Martian smash!

My main problem with the Hulk though is that nine times out of ten, a kid points to one of my action figures, and goes "look, it's the Hulk!" Sure I've bulked up over the years, and the Hulk's had a pronounced brow at times, but you'd think my complete and total lack of hair might tweak the little buggers' puny ape brains something was amiss! Complimentary colors aside, this is why I never, ever wear purple. Hey-- kid... cape. Word to your mother. Your young are morons, human.