The cosmic buttinsky known as The Interferer has broken out of the back issue of The Omega Men that he had been trapped in for decades, thanks to the Flash's mommy issues or something. Shortly before the Post-Crisis DC Universe collapsed into Flashpoint, the Interferer read the Salvation Run trade paperback, and thought it was too cool. The Interferer tried to find Salvation, but failing that, landed in a back issue of Showcase with a joint similar enough to have some fun. Figuring nobody would miss them, the Interferer took all of the Martian Manhunter's rogues gallery to a battle planet inspired by Manhunter 2070. It would have been rad to kill J'Onn J'Onzz again, but he ended up in The Outsider, so we'll have to make do...
There was a time when the Lord of Apokolips was every bit the grim New God he was conceived to become. His craggy flesh crackling with power, his schemes were Machiavellian on an interdimensional scale, and he was the nexus of all evil. Creatures like Malefic once wrapped their arms around his ankles and prostrated under his skirt for blessings. However, today there exists a DCnÜniverse in which Darkseid is a simple thug. Offended by the travesty that exists in the place of his former deity, Ma'alefa'ak simply gouged its eyes out with razor-sharp fingers that penetrated its brain. Darkseid was left to sink in the molten platinum flow of the Golden Hell...
Lobo charged Mongul with such speed and ferocity, no alternative to a physical altercation could be brought to bear. The struggle was raw and bloody, as the colossal combatants threw each other into every bladed "foliage" and artificially animated trap the Silver Sauna had to offer. In the end, despite great proficiency and strength, the Main Man lacked the raw planet-punching power of a titan who could outmatch even Pre-Crisis Superman in hand-to-hand combat. Mongul grabbed a handful of the last Czarnian's greasy hair and used it to swing his body against innumerable objects until 'Bo could offer no further resistance. Just as Mongul prepared to press on, he turned back to see an army of Lobos regenerating from every drop of the Czarnian's blood spilled. At least, that's what the telepathic third eye of Despero wished him to see...
A flaming B'enn B'urnzz waded into a stream of copper. Further back were the mangled forms of the Lizard Men, foolhardy enough to attack a Martian, even with the advantage of his vulnerability to flames. B'enn came out of the stream cooled, but his greatest challenge was stood on the before him. Commander Blanx had been searching the area for Professor Ivo's teleportation sphere, and decided it would be best if this world had one less Desert Dweller with the distinct likeness of his greatest enemy running around...
L'lex Xanadar couldn't believe that Mr. Moth had put up such a fight for a nutcase in a cheap suit with an Earthling pistol. One of his men was dead, and another was bleeding badly. This was clearly not the finest moment in the history of The Devil Men of Pluto. Down in the sands of the Bronze Desert, The Human Squirrel had managed to evade the automaton of Professor Ivo until it inadvertently shocked its master. Given more time and better materials, a protocol would have been in place to prevent such an embarrassing turn of events, but as it was, the aerosaltant cosplayer Ben Stoves had the teleportation sphere, and managed to trigger it to jump him to its last destination atop the rain shadow...
Round Five
Despero vs. Mongul
Commander Blanx vs. B'enn B'urnzz
The Devil Men of Pluto vs. The Human Squirrel
I really liked the descriptions here, Frank, and how the battles turned out. I am supporting Despero over Mongul as he is more of a primary Martian Manhunter foe and can really play tricks on Mongul's mind. (I do like the bit about Despero causing Mongul to see the regenerating Lobos.) Also, Commander Blanx is far more interesting than B'enn B'urnzz and I have to ask if some people are confusing the Human Squirrel with Squirrel Girl from Marvel Comics. I don't think that the Human Squirrel would have a chance against the Devil Men of Pluto.
ReplyDeleteAs for Darkseid, he has fallen so far that perhaps he should be classified as a new clod instead of a new god.
Thanks for the compliments, Will! I honestly wondered if anybody was reading these things. I agree with all of your assessments.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad we do these brackets, because it gives me a new perspective on the characters. Most of the Menagerie is filled with villains who appeared once in brief stories, so they're kind of blank slates. These polls show who resonates with readers based on some essential quality in their construction. By pitting them against one another and having to rationalize sometimes illogical victories, I have to really think about their individual fighting styles/tactics/personalities/etc.
Last year, I thought the sheer lunacy of the Human Squirrel might allow him to do well, as Mr. Moth ended up doing, but Stoves went out early. Now he's one of the final seven. I think the playing field was better leveled this year for lower-powered villains. Even when the Squirrel fought guys far more powerful than himself, they were still historically unpopular, unproven, and/or had done poorly in earlier polls. Looking at the remaining players, the Squirrel has clearly reached his maximum height. He might have had a shot against B'enn B'urnzz, who has surprised me with his drive this year, but everyone else would kill him quick. If Squirrel Girl is the Spider-Man of rodent-based protagonists, I imagine the Human Squirrel is the Daredevil. He can punch out of his weight class, but it's harder for him, doesn't carry him as far, and takes a punishing toll. He's the working man's squirrel.
The Devil Men of Pluto continue to impress me. They do great every year, and their prowess has made me better regard them. Mr. Moth, too. I'll have to give serious thought to getting commissions of them.
Frank, I may not comment on everything but I do read everything here. (You may get a chuckle out of my last post on Stormwatch Issue 6 -- let's say that I think the person I mentioned might be the hero of such a Superman story. Is it me or is characterization in the DCnU often an issue of having people act like they are not the sort of people you would want to call friends or neighbors? If that is the case, I wonder if the DCnU will be long lived.)
ReplyDeleteI think that the Human Squirrel looks ready to go down soon, based on the poll. As for the now unconscious Lobo, I expect him to eventually wake up, have a few drinks and believe that he triumphed over everyone. (Lobo: Sanity optional.)
We should have the results soon enough.