The cosmic buttinsky known as The Interferer has broken out of the back issue of The Omega Men that he had been trapped in for decades, thanks to the Flash's mommy issues or something. Shortly before the Post-Crisis DC Universe collapsed into Flashpoint, the Interferer read the Salvation Run trade paperback, and thought it was too cool. The Interferer tried to find Salvation, but failing that, landed in a back issue of Showcase with a joint similar enough to have some fun. Figuring nobody would miss them, the Interferer took all of the Martian Manhunter's rogues gallery to a battle planet inspired by Manhunter 2070. It would have been rad to kill J'Onn J'Onzz again, but he ended up in The Outsider, so we'll have to make do...
The Omega Effect disintegrated Doomsday, casting him to far off points unknown, or perhaps simply removing him from corporeal existence altogether. "Let's see him punch his way out of that." Doomsday might have been better off though, as the constant, devastating explosions from combat had rendered the Golden Hell's name fully manifest. Platinum lava ran the lengths of the islands body, and flames were everywhere. Surely this had not helped B'rett in his bid to cut down an opponent invisibly, but it was a trifling matter for Monarch, who survived an initial ray blast intact and throttled the Yellow Martian into submission. Looking at what remained of the battlefield, Mongul activated his personal teleportation device...
Ma'alefa'ak flew down from the volcanos to greet Darkseid. "You were once my master, oh Lord of Apokolips, but I am ever the iconoclast..."
Golden Hell Round Four
Darkseid vs. Malefic
Despero looked on. There were many pieces still in motion, but he was confident that he would ultimately win the game...
A byproduct of all this molten metal was oil, the natural weakness of the Saturnian Criminal, and he was soaking in it. Despite a grand show, the Saturnian was bludgeoned unconscious by B'enn B'urnzz and left in a pool of black ick. B'urnzz trudged on through the jungle, and was forced to evade animated barbed steel creeper vines seizing any lifeforms in its reach. Thantos had proven less agile, and as he was dragged deep into the murderous forest, The Lizard Men men burned and batted at him with their flamethrowers. Suddenly, B'enn was keenly aware that he was also covered in highly flammable petroleum...
Gorilla Grodd begged "...no more..." as Lobo dragged him through the bloodletting fields from a chain tied to his bike. A flash of light announced the arrival of Mongul, who was immediately spanked by the monkey in motion. Indignant, Mongul held fast to the passing ape, and the sudden shift in weight sent the Main Man's bike careening to the ground. Some bastich was going to pay for that...
Silver Sauna Round Four
Mongul vs. Lobo
B'enn B'urnzz vs. The Lizard Men
8 comments:
I have malefic via upset. Darkseid has taken a beating so far, and Malefic is good at twisting the knife. Plus I've sided with Darkseid an awful lot.
Lobo usually wins these sort of things, but I'll take Mongul via my having read "For the Man who has everything" more recently than "Lobo's back." That and he's more likely to get serious when the moment calls for it.
B'enn and the Lizard Men both leave me less than excited, but I'll take Ben just because he's pretty tough and the Lizard Men are pretty much cannon fodder, albeit effective.
I was initially rooting against Malefic, as always. However, Darkseid just got punked by Aquaman, Wonder Woman and most especially the combined lack of imagination of Geoff Johns and Jim Lee. He was tougher when he wore a skirt. Meanwhile, thanks to a nifty redesign and his becoming the first Martian Manhunter villain in animation, I like Malefic better than I ever have before. With Mister V and Professor Hugo gone, only Malefic and Commander Blanx remain as potential victors in the Manhunter exclusive category. My loyalties are divided.
Bronze Age Mongul could probably take Lobo (certainly pre-Crisis purple Lycra model.) All incarnations following 1987 favor Lobo.
I'm on record as not giving a crap about B'enn, but yeah, the Lizard Men are to J'Onn as Hydra is to Nick Fury. B'urnzz has done well this year, and I see him going a bit further yet.
I favor Malefic over Darkseid, as Malefic has greater hate for J'Onn and Darkseid seems to have been kicked down the stairs a few pegs. Malefic against Commander Blanx is a tough one, although I argue that Malefic is the more hateful of the two figures and the less predictable.
I favor Mongul over Lobo for several reasons. First, Lobo is essentially a parody of 90s anti-heroes. I suspect that the only way to reconcile some of Lobo's weirder adventures is to conclude that they exist in the mind of an unreliable narrator whose brain is regularly addled by intoxicants of various sorts and whose sanity is doubtful.
The Lizard Men are mooks, and I expect B'enn B'urnzz to win. I then expect someone more powerful and more ruthless to take him down.
I mentioned the March Madness event here on a thread over at Comic Book Resources.
Here is another thought. It might be pretty interesting (if depressing) if J'Onn was aware of multiple continuities that are no longer in existence. (B'enn B'urnzz is from one where Martians were around in 2062, and Malefic may be from ahother.) Maybe someone can straighten out the continuity. I doubt that this is a high priority at DC -- maybe slightly ahead of the tiddlywinks competition.
Yeah Will, you pretty much had to invoke hypertime to include most Lobo stories in a shared DC Universe. Plus, Rob Liefeld will be bringing us New 52 Lobo.
A point has been made of no one remembering the old continuity, which hurts the likelihood of anyone documenting multiple Martian Manhunter timelines. However, a gestalt for the DCnU would be compelling, I think, and I have been thinking...
Hmm, if the DCnU is a violent, often cynical place, how can they up the ante with Lobo? Hmm, I guess they may need to find ways to make him even more violent and offensive.
Insanity and too much intoxicants are perhaps a better explanation of Lobo's adventures than Hypertime.
Getting back to J'Onn, a gestalt of his timelines would be interesting -- if both Commander Blanx and Malefic are part of it, then J'Onn has lost his world TWICE. Which probably makes J'Onn J'Onnzz the most psychologically resilient figure in the DCnU.
Well, I certainly don't feel we have to choose between Blanx and Malefic if we can enjoy both together...
I would like both villains to be in the canon of J'Onn J'Onnzz as they forced him to extreme measures -- killing an enemy. Also, both were extremely hateful foes of J'Onn and ones where I hope that a reappearance would be meaningful.
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