JLA Classified #49 (Late February, 2008)

Cue the solicitation copy...

JLA CLASSIFIED #49
Written by Andrew Kreisberg
Art and cover by Paulo Siqueira & Amilton Santos
"With the JLA away from Earth on a dire mission in space, the wives and loved ones of the heroes gather to support each other when at any moment any individual in the room could be left alone forever."

...okay, and that is Dianne Meade on the cover, right? Plus J'Onn J'Onzz featured prominently? Okay, so explain to me why this is essentially an Alfred Pennyworth/Lois Lane team-up over tea? Because I can't 14 pages and the majority of the dialogue between them, so this should be a fill-in for "Batman/Superman," right? I mean a really inane one, as there's nothing revelatory or insightful in their pairing. Alright, the Flash's wife Linda Park gets two pages and as many lines of dialogue. Wonder Woman's mother Hippolyta gets the exact same treatment. Green Lantern John Stewart doesn't seem to have anybody, so as the token negro, his "loved ones" are two pages of random black people in the hood, G. Word.

Say, when does this story take place again-- because the Queen of the Amazons was dead two years before Stewart joined the League, and Lois and Alfred act like they don't know one another. Wow, this thing doesn't seem to work as a stand alone, a JLA story, a World's Finest tale, or even a continuity patch. It's just not much use to anyone-- Especially J'Onn J'Onzz's partner in the police force, long forgotten by the era this story theoretically takes place, and absent from the interiors entirely.

Well, at least there's some direct relevance to the Martian Manhunter. The League faced an invading race of anthropomorphic space crabs calling themselves the Locusta on Mars. Their numbers were legion, which made for quite the mostly off-panel brawl, with Manhunter seen blasting one of their tanks with Martian Vision. He later took a nasty hit from what appeared to be a king crab, which had already downed Flash and had Wonder Woman by the neck. However, this also led the Alien Atlas to discover some sort of scepter/trident thingee. This seemed to turn the tide of battle, with a weakened Martian Marvel still bearing his new found weapon while slumped over Diana's shoulder, standing amongst his team in triumph. While his fellows return to their dear hearts, no one loves J'Onn J'Onzz, so he flew through space unaided to secure the weapon in parts unknown.

That's it. Very pretty art. Total waste of space script.