Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Martian Manhunter Menagerie March Madness, Division 1, Round 1



As explained last week, based on the idea submitted by commentator jimmypulv, I'm doing my best from a position of ignorance to emulate March Madness. Each year, the college basketball teams of the NCAA are broken up into four divisions, then paired off into numerous subdivisions. The winner of each contest progresses to challenge the winner of another subdivision match until one team stands triumphant in their overall division. Then the leaders of the four divisions are matched up, until their competition leads to two triumphant teams who engage in a final showdown for that year's National Champion.

Here, we're doing it with the Martian Manhunter rogues gallery, and I'm trying to treat it like a rock festival. Everybody wants to (literally) catch Wayne Coyne as he rolls over the crowd from inside a giant transparent plastic ball at a Flaming Lips concert, so you don't put a garage band from South Dakota against him, because annihilation like that is boring. Instead, you pit the Flaming Lips against KISS, known for their kabuki stage make-up, demonic costumes and pyrotechnics, plus it's funny to kiss lips.

To that end, I've still got "qualifying tournaments" running amongst lesser lights who will make up the four divisions. Since I haven't planned this out thoroughly, who exactly is in what "division" will remain fluid for much of the duration. I'm sure in the NCAA they're very scientific about it, but I'm just freewheeling it with the best matches I can manage to keep things fair and fun.

Before we get to the official First Round matches, let's all say nah-nah-nah-nah, hey-hey-hey, goodbye to those who didn't qualify to fully enter the March Madness contest.

Disqualified
The Pyre: I guess only having ever made a one page cameo appearance was something of a handicap. Lost by a 3-to-1 margin.

The Swarm: I only vaguely remember these pests. Like the Pyre, I think they only appeared in #1,000,000, but they received a splash page and some flavor text. Folks liked the issue with the Bloodworms of Mars, though, so total crash and burn.

Marlon's Beast: I still haven't read this story. I don't like dinosaurs, but he's anthropomorphic, so he seemed fun.

The Renegades of Mars: This was one of the less bad Ostrander arcs for my money, but the backflips pulled to have J'Onn J'Onzz remain the last green Martian while still totally fighting green Martians were pretty ridiculous. Also, the Hyperclan were stiff competition.

Baron Voto: Medieval power ring or no, he's the umpteenth middle-aqed, overweight Silver Age Manhunter villain with a Van Dyke. The guy couldn't even challenge Nemesus, better known as "who?"

Strega: The witchy woman who once merged John Jones with the Spectre. I thought the Ostrander contingent would bury the Conjuerer, but she only got one vote. Either I've severely underestimated the Conjurer (which isn't borne out by the villains poll I ran last year,) people forgot Strega, or they just think she's more of a Spectre villainess.

Professor Amos Fortune: Founder of the Royal Flush Gang, one of the JLA's earliest villains, one of the few defeated almost entirely by J'Onn J'Onzz, and... he received one vote. Baron Voto looks like a champion by comparison.

The Cosmic Creature: Another dinosaur, or rather saurs, since it could shapeshift. I abstained from voting on this one initially, but cast the tie-breaking vote because I wanted to see Inflict go up against Asmodel.

Since I'm writing this three hours before the polls close, there are still two qualifying matches too close to call, and first round voting won't open fully until the morning. Here are the tentative matches:



Mars & Saturn Tour!

Cabal

vs.

The Master Gardener

-----

...And H'ronmeer Created Woman!

Bel Juz

vs.

Cay'an

----

Catch & Release!

Doctor Trap

vs.

Monty Moran, the Getaway King

----

Fires of Hate!

Malefic

vs.

Fernus the Burning Martian

-----

O No!

Kanto

vs.

Lobo

------

The Schemers!

Director Bones of the Department of Extranormal Operations

vs.

Mr. V/Faceless of Vulture

------

Thug Life!

B'rett (Yellow Martian Criminal)

or

Tybalt Bak'sar (Terrorist Furry!)


vs.

Nemesus (500 B.C. Jerk)

------
Unnatural Forces!

Antares & the Clanetary System

vs.

The Bloodworms of Mars

------
Celestial Combat!

Asmodel (Corrupt Angel of the Bull Host)

vs.

Inflict (Intergalactic Warrior)

or

The Cosmic Creature (Shapeshifting Dinosaur)

------
Doctor vs. Professor!

Professor Anthony Ivo

vs.

Doctor Light

or

Doctor Samedi

7 comments:

mathematicscore said...

I see you're getting rid of Malefic or Fernus early. Fernus takes via more well rounded skill set and less cheesy atrocities. Malefic may have taken out the Martian Race and mind-raped J'onn's wife, but it was all just a cry for help.

Diabolu said...

Bambi vs. Godzilla. I couldn't put Malefic or Fernus against most anybody without it being a massacre, so the only way to get an interesting match was to set the pit bulls against each other. I don't like either character, but you've convinced me to vote Fernus.

jimmypulv said...

Fernus vs Malefic is a good one. But i have been loyal with Malefic for so long i cant stop now.

My final 4 prediction
Malefic
Master Gardener
Commander Blanx
The Marshal

mathematicscore said...

Re that final four: Obviously you share my belief in Martian superiority. I'd still say Despero, Mongul, and heck, Human Flame have a good chance of making it to the finals.

Diabolu said...

I lack confidence in the Marshal, but we shall see. I suspect Mongul will struggle as well, despite my best intentions. I will give the Human Flame a fighting chance, but I'm certain he'll be doomed relatively early.

Division 2 is scheduled to open on Friday...

mathematicscore said...

See, but you can argue for "inhuman flame" anytime he goes up against powerful folk.

Diabolu said...

Oh yeah-- I forgot...