Wednesday, December 12, 2007

JLA Classified #23 (Late July, 2006)


Vibe: Caused the telepathically eavesdropping Martian pain with his mental mangling of the English language and delusions of competency, much less grandeur. “’Course, we ain’ got Superman or the Batman—but who needs ‘em. We got me. Throw in J’Onn J’Onzz, an’ Aquaman, an’ that’s plenty. The others... hey, a gang can always use numbers.” Meanwhile, in their time of need, Professor Amos Fortune returned to his Royal Flush Gang as a rather pudgy Ace of Spades, a spare Queen and Ten in tow to replaced the recently departed. While that may not sound like much of a challenge, Superman and Batman could have come in handy, as Fortune’s luck-altering device sent the Detroit League to seeming doom.

Martian Manhunter: “I’ve seen too many dead men, on too many worlds, to take any death lightly.” However, as this was the pre-new age Natural Martian, when Vibe asked if the League should uncover the squashed villains or let them stink, he replied, “We’ll take the bodies to the authorities when we go. We haven’t finished what we came here for. Just pile more boulders over the bodies to keep the animals away.” When his team was attacked again though, J’Onzz again failed to step up and actually lead his charges. He instead focused on a fistfight with the Ten of Spades, until an errant lighter and bad luck set the forest ablaze. J’Onn fell in to a burnin’ ring of fire. He went down as the flames went higher. It burns.

Vixen: Aside from razzing Vibe, took this mess in her usual stride. “J’Onn put Ten down for the count... of ten! With the viciousness of a wolverine, I should be able to get at least a five.” For the rest of us, that was more a count of three bad puns and another wink at the fourth wall. Got kind of bossy once J’Onn went down. Fell into a burnin’ ring of fire.

Steel: Whined. Buried. Fought. Trapped.

Gypsy: Whined. Eulogized. “...and we know nothing of their hopes for the afterlife, but we pray by Mary the gypsy that their best dreams will be realized...” Fought Amos Fortune, thanks to a brief reversal of fortune allowed by the Professor’s rivals, Jack and King. Trapped.

Aquaman: Must have gotten a sense of deja vu, as once again his team is getting it’s head handed to them in the Canadian wilderness and left for dead while he’s just now getting back to the Bunker. The snow’s melted into spring though, so I’ll just blame it on the Crisis.

Zatanna: According to the JLA status monitor, “beyond the pale.”

Elongated Man: According to the JLA status monitor, “Flash birthday party.” So definitely before the Crisis?

Sue Dibney: Barry’s party? Nope. “Boys only. Sexist macho piglets!” Questioned if Arthur valued her husband, to which he answered, “He’s proved himself time and again.” Arthur doesn’t call Ralph back because it would take too long, though, but insists he’s more concerned about the Manhunter. “J’Onn, in his infinite wisdom, shut off communications. He said something about getting to know the kids without interruption... Not that I don’t have faith in them-- but they haven’t proven themselves like Ralph.” I don’t care how sincere he sounds, that’s a backhanded comment for all concerned.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: “Ya know, this game is jus’ too easy! Th’ Jay-El-Lay roolz!”

2 comments:

Luke said...

I see your point about Vibe being Guy Gardner. "... a gang can always use numbers?" Yeesh! I think thats more how the general comic "populace" imagines Vibe to be moreso than your re-readings of the seires have actually portrayed him. I'll admit, that's what I figured he was like before reading your posts on the topic (coupled with some of Scipio's posts over at The Absorbascon).

Vixen's puns, though? Unforgiveable.



I doubt that DC -- the company which currently has two guys named Wildcat on the same team -- will balk much at having Citizen Steel kicking around JSoA and Steel in New Frontier. But I agree with you -- The Indestructible Man predates the Man of Steel by almost 20 years, but to be completely fair, John Henry Irons has had a much more substantial heroic journey so far. The weird thing is that I really like him, as well -- he was my clear favorite of the Supermen, and his solo title was pretty good for a mid-90s DC (better than the vast majority of Marvel and Image output at the time if nothing else).

Unfortunately, as you predicted a while back, Citizen Steel has not had much to do since his spotlight issue -- we saw him with his surviving cousins, nieces, and nephews a few issues back, cooking pancakes at the firehouse, and he was told by Power Girl not to enter a burning building because his metal-alloy costume would get so hot it would burn the survivors. But now the Kingdom Come Superman is there, so obviously he is the focus. Still, I'm digging him.

The fact that Gypsy has a panty shot tells me that this is not the Gypsy I know. Just... *sigh*

Frank Lee Delano said...

Well, I'd actually think that if you're going to let things get to the point of having two Wildcats on a team, you're either--
a) overly fixated on making Wildcat a great legacy brand like Green Lantern or Flash.
b) easing the transition into a new, modern Wildcat with full approval before finally wacking the original for good.

I absolutely loved John Henry Irons from go, but his book stank on ice for three years solid. I tried to read it when it was first published, got around to choking down most of it years down the line, and still shudder at the memory. Thank God Priest's run for the book's last year and a half was excellent, as was his usage in Morrison's JLA. Redemption!

As for the Gypst panty shot... well, either Ed Benes or Luke Ross got some mileage during the JLTF days, but it still doesn't sit well with me. Derenick wasn't so much sexing up Gypsy as doing Esmerelda from Hunchback of Notre Dame in a style "Jab" would be proud of...