Saturday, March 3, 2012

March Madness: Gold Division: Round One

The cosmic buttinsky known as The Interferer has broken out of the back issue of The Omega Men that he had been trapped in for decades, thanks to the Flash's mommy issues or something. Shortly before the Post-Crisis DC Universe collapsed into Flashpoint, the Interferer read the Salvation Run trade paperback, and thought it was too cool. The Interferer tried to find Salvation, but failing that, landed in a back issue of Showcase with a joint similar enough to have some fun. Figuring nobody would miss them, the Interferer took all of the Martian Manhunter's rogues gallery to a battle planet inspired by Manhunter 2070. It would have been rad to kill J'Onn J'Onzz again, but he ended up in The Outsider, so we'll have to make do...

The Golden Hell is an island of volcanos that erupted molten platinum. Ma'alefa'ak has made his way to its highest summit, a perfect defensive position. Below, the most fearsome creatures in the Vile Menagerie collide...

Circling overhead is Asmodel, former King Angel of the Bull Host of Heaven, still hoping to reign in this hell. Offended by the sight, the hulking monster Doomsday leaps to meet Asmodel with a fistful of bony knuckle protrusions. Will the angel fall once more, or will the seemingly unkillable Doomsday be the one cast down?

Far out on the beach, the merciless Mongul sniffs the molten heat in the air, and observes from afar the various conflicts commencing. The Interferer promised him a one-shot if he could overcome all opposition, but felt it best to allow numbers to thin in order to improve his chances. Mongul might be as powerful as Superman with cube-traps to boot, but others had tricks up their sleeves as well. For instance, TOR's towering, nigh-indestructible form rose out of the ocean, one of the few beings to potentially match Mongul's strength. The Robot Criminal of Mars fights for his continued existence, but will that be enough?

Just outside the pits flies Effigy, a foe of Green Lantern Kyle Rayner. Effigy had lent his fire-based powers to the conspiracy to murder J'Onn J'Onzz during Final Crisis. Up burst Fernus, an ancient Martian entity with greater powers than Martian Manhunter, who murdered slews of White Martians. The Burning Martian took on the JLA and the forces of Vandal Savage in brutal fashion. Alone and against a more ferocious Martian, Effigy will learn one way or another Whose flame will burn the brightest...

The Scary Monsters are a demonic force that in ancient times plagued Mars and Earth. Most recently, they possessed several members of the JLA before being routed by Kishana Lewis. The Bloodworms of Mars were basically those sandworm things from Dune, except small and with a greater taste for flesh. They were transported to Earth with the chunk of Mars the Spectre II brought as a gift for J'Onn J'Onzz, because Hal Jordan is the George W. Bush of super-heroics. Otherworldly infection versus infestation!

Rott is a supernatural entity who imprisoned Bloodwynd and possessed Martian Manhunter as part of a plot to gain the power of the Ray. The mind and spirit are his minefield, and he's invited a new source of expanded power into his realm. Korge is "The Last Angry God" of an alien world repopulated by Martians survivors who easily trounced the Satellite Era Justice League. Is Korge out of his depth, or will he dominate in Rott's plane?

Right at home in the Golden Hell is the worst ever Vile Menagerie entry, The Pyre, since I spent most of it talking about a grunge band. We don't really know much about the Pyre, except they're fiery and they're supposed to become major threats to J'Onn J'Onzz in a future negated by the New 52. The Swarm came out of the same teasing #1,000,000 issue, but they were sold a little harder as a conflict the Alien Atlas would struggle through for centuries. Which menace is the richest of these millionaires?

The Main Man Lobo is an unkillable intergalactic bounty hunter who could frag the likes o' Superman. Neither Heaven nor Hell will have him, so he landed here instead. Inflict is a savage intergalactic warrior god who helped take on the JLA. If he's looking for trouble, the Czarnian can provide it...

Further down the beach, the Lord of Apokolips felt a bit chilly, and the air didn't taste thick enough for his preferences. Surveying the island, Darkseid had a curious sense of deja vu; as though, impossibly, he had at some point failed to dominate these strange, inferior beings before. He was shaken from his ridiculous revere by unforseen attacks from numerous points. The Hyperclan hoped to conceal their Martian origins as they unleashed the powers of strength, speed, laser vision, telepathy, invisibility, intangibility, flight, shapeshifting and more...

The giant flaming construct Brimstone might have seen his master's struggle, but he was occupied by the towering robot sentinel Antares of the Clanetary System. Which of these alien juggernauts would triumph, and what of those souls crushed beneath their feet?

Lurking amidst the cool glittering rock along an inactive volcano was the xanthic bandit B'rett. The yellow-skinned Martian was a fugitive used to being on the run, but he was fleeing an unparalleled stalker. Kanto is the master assassin of the New Gods, and B'rett is in for the fight of his life...

Round One
Asmodel vs. Doomsday
Mongul vs. TOR
Effigy vs. Fernus the Burning Martian
Scary Monsters vs. The Bloodworms of Mars
The Pyre vs. The Swarm
Rott vs. Korge
Lobo vs. Inflict
Darkseid vs. The Hyperclan
Brimstone vs. Antares & the Clanetary System
B'rett vs. Kanto


jimmypulv said...

Love the set up and the use of the word xanthic

Tom Hartley said...

I voted because somebody had to vote for Tor.

Diabolu Frank said...

jimmy, I read too much Stan Lee as a kid, and can't resist a rhyme or alliteration.

Tom, I find it hard to vote against TOR, and haven't yet, but it's coming. It's more fun to pit two characters I like against one another than to feed losers to each. There's also that element of vindication. I thought for sure I'd given B'rett a death sentence against Kanto, but I'm apparently not the only one out there who thinks he's freakin' cool. Anyway, I'm glad TOR got your love. He'll rise again, and woe unto those in his path.

mathematicscore said...

Doomsday usually wins via Deus Ex Machina, heck, his DNA is basically Deus Ex Machina; Since the deity is usually unhappy with Asmodel, I think Doomsday takes it. Doubly so since Asmodel is foolish enough to try and beat him, rather than simply contain him.

Mongul, like the Manhunter himself, would certainly think around TOR's impressive physical abilities and come out on top.

Fernus thrives in flame and would straight up truck Effigy, already looking at his next opponent.

Though I am unfamiliar with the Scary Monsters, I feel a demonic force has gotta trump the Bloodworms.

What I've gleened from the internet about Korge implies that he was like a less cool looking Doomsday with your weakness available at the snap of a finger. We'll give Rott the benefit of the doubt here, since he can get around that with some headgames.

The swarm's name (and what we've read about them in the comics) implies that they are numerous and durable. The pyre strike me as subtle and insidious, and consequently snuffed out, literally smothered.

Iflict is a cool looking badass, but Lobo's whole thing is he can only be defeated through silliness or trickery, and Inflict doesn't seem to have the right quantities of either.

Darkseid has really fallen on hard times these days. I used to think of him as truly interesting and menacing. More powerful than you could imagine, yet subtle in his methodology, playing the longest game of all. Nowadays he has been portrayed in so many conflicting and tone-deaf ways I question his place as king space Hitler. Mongul, Despero, Krona, and maybe even Kanjor Ro (okay, not really Kanjor Ro) are nipping at his heels. that said, the Hyperclan lack the fortitude of the JLA they try and mimic, so I say they ultimately fall; but not before ruining Darkseid's day enough to weaken his chances in the next round...

Brimstone's singlet implies some wrestling ability; I say he takes Antares down and gets the TKO via brutal ground and pound.

B'rett is a tough customer, but Kanto slips a knife between his atoms almost immediately. B'rett continues to press the attack, but Kanto deftly parries his wounded advances and eventually finishes the job.

Diabolu Frank said...

Superman wrestled Asmodel. Superman was "killed" by Doomsday.

Mongul is much smarter than TOR.

Effigy was pretty much assassinated by Fernus. I have no regard for that guy.

The Scary Monsters are serious business. I need to profile them. The Bloodworms were comparatively a nuisance.

Rott's ties to Bloodwynd makes his scene awfully mercy, where Korge was brazenly, overwhelmingly obvious. Rott's plan was so obtuse and ineffective, I can't give him much credit.

We know little about the Swarm, but the Pyre rated only a mention in J'Onn's history.

I thought Inflict would be fun for Lobo, but there just isn't enough background to give the guy benefit of the doubt.

Darkseid is so much smaller and dumber than he used to be, that I'd rather see the Hyperclan continue forward. At least they're fun, and starred in the far superior JLA series opening arc.

Antares bores me to tears. Brimstone for the body slam.

I don't know how B'rett's doing it, but I'm glad he is. Who has Kanto ever killed, really?

Tom Hartley said...

Are you sure his name is spelled with all caps? Are there any print references to Tor/TOR besides that one comic book story, which, being a comic book story, has everything in all caps? Is it an acronym? Tacitly Obligatory Robot?

Diabolu Frank said...

Everyone thinks Vulture is an acronym, though its not, but I still write it in all caps to differentiate from a vulture or The Vulture of Spider-Man fame. Similarly, my all-capping TOR is completely arbitrary. I figure he's a robot from Mars, so I'll treat it like ROM, plus it prevents people from thinking they're voting for Tor Johnson. I doubt there's any canonical references for Tor, because DC probably forgot they owned him after June of 1957.

LissBirds said...

Dangit, I thought I was voting for Tor Johnson....