Monday, March 5, 2012

March Madness: Silver Division: Round One

The cosmic buttinsky known as The Interferer has broken out of the back issue of The Omega Men that he had been trapped in for decades, thanks to the Flash's mommy issues or something. Shortly before the Post-Crisis DC Universe collapsed into Flashpoint, the Interferer read the Salvation Run trade paperback, and thought it was too cool. The Interferer tried to find Salvation, but failing that, landed in a back issue of Showcase with a joint similar enough to have some fun. Figuring nobody would miss them, the Interferer took all of the Martian Manhunter's rogues gallery to a battle planet inspired by Manhunter 2080. It would have been rad to kill J'Onn J'Onzz again, but he ended up in The Outsider, so we'll have to make do...

The Silver Sauna is a blue-gray jungle of pewter trees bearing aluminum leaves that are sharp as knives. Literal blades of grass rip feet to shreds, while shimmering sand traps threaten to sink and suffocate the unsuspecting. This forest of fear holds no sway over Despero, who cannot be bothered to notice metal fold like paper at his passage. His three eyes observed the others, far more vulnerable than himself...

Such was the case with Balik, Dall, Johm, and Tareesha, once united in a conspiracy to destroy the royal families of Saturn. The Red Saturnian Jogarr suggested and the White Synn concurred that their best chance was to reforming the gestalt entity Cabal. As six became one, Cay'an looked on, no stranger to intricate plots herself. For instance, she had once telepathically brainwashed a team of White Martians into believing themselves Green in order to lay a trap for J'Onn J'Onzz. This lot were merely the descendants of clones...

Pools of tin bled around Scorch as she melted her way through one potentially lethal obstacle after another. Instinctively recoiling from this growing platinum pond, S'vor took cover. Worried less about the ferrous foliage than exposure to liquid, the Jovian fugitive drew a bead on Scorch with his electric bolt rifle. He paused before firing, reconsidering whether his anti-gravity rifle could just float her away, or if there might be a backflash from ending her with a vaporizer gun at closer range...

The Master Gardener of Mars, while not quite in his element, was comfortable enough to slither through the slashing foliage with his durable shapeshifting hide. The telepathic Grodd held the same sense of conflict between the familiar and foreign. Were he not a super-gorilla, navigating the forest might have left him looking like those dismembered unfortunates he'd seen caught by poachers. As it was, Grodd was the hunter, and a Martian his object for demolition...

Tearing through the brush, Marlon's Beast is a purple dinosaur-thing that was created by a sorcerer in ancient times and released from suspended animation in the present. Coming from the opposite direction, the Cosmic Creature is an alien dinosaur-thing that was released from suspended animation to shapeshift in various battles with J'onn J'onzz and Zook. I have yet to read either of their stories, because they're both about super dinosaurs, and I don't find the regular kind interesting. Talk amongst yourselves.

Vulkor was twice blessed as he flew over a field of tall weeds that acted like machetes. His men down below were Martian, near enough to invulnerable to pass unharmed. Meanwhile, the Capsule Master could guide them from his hovering sphere, equipped for any trouble that should come their way. However, a band of Martian Marauders lay in ambush, hidden by the patch of swords, rayguns at the ready...

The Lizard Men fretted over their missing master, but they had conquered the Earth in the mid 20th century, and this hostile planet would also yield. Flamethrowers at the ready, they were met by the Thythen, towering yellow-skinned aliens who briefly enslaved the survivors of Mars. Who would bend whom?

B'enn B'urnzz had not escaped justice from a future version of Mars to perish on this brutal planet. However, his near identical resemblance to J'onn J'onzz had not gone unnoticed by the Marshal, whose invasion of Earth was halted by the Alien Atlas. The Soldiers of the Red Brotherhood might have abandoned him as a lying cheat, but retribution might still be his...

D'Kay D'Razz's homicidal rage had not been slaked when the only other surviving Martian of the opposite sex had thoroughly rejected her advances. The mighty Thantos had no fondness for Martians in general, and perhaps a 3-In-1 Man would be too much even for the murderess...

The Headmaster had intended to take humanity to the stars before his home world was rendered uninhabitable by pollution. He never had in mind a world as terrible as this to replace Earth. His Headmen, human corpses reanimated by robot replacement heads, were fairing poorly under these harsh conditions. Weapons Master, protected by his armor, observed with disgust their obscenity. He teleported a Jovian Flesh-Melter hose to melt as many Headmen as met his line of fire. The cyborg Headmaster was made of sterner stuff, and the next weapon selected could spell victory or doom...

Ryx was not used to fending for himself, much less in such a brutal realm of combat. Still, he had sent out a distress signal to his army on Centuria, and they would surely arrive with all due haste with an arsenal of weaponry. For the moment though, all Ryx carried was a defensive rifle, and an orange-skinned alien was approaching nearby without having suffered so much as a scratch. Ryx encased the figure in an alien plastic balloon, but the Saturnian Criminal within only smirked before his might muscles tore the sphere apart. Ryx exclaimed that this creature might be as powerful as the Manhunter, and prayed his army reached him in time...

Round One
Cabal vs. Cay'an
Scorch vs. S'vor
The Master Gardener vs. Gorilla Grodd
Marlon's Beast vs. The Cosmic Creature
Vulkor vs. The Martian Marauders
The Lizard Men vs. The Thythen
B'enn B'urnzz vs. The Marshal
D'Kay vs. Thantos
The Headmaster vs. Weapons Master
Ryx vs. The Saturninan Criminal


mathematicscore said...

Cay'an takes it by being sneakier and a powerful enough Telepath to deal with Cabal's compounded strength.

Scorch seems far more wily that S'vor, who was dumb enough to get in a boat when his weakness is water.

Grodd is a tough draw for the master Gardener, and it seems his specialty is more in shape shifting than in superpowers. Grodd wins the mental battle pretty easily.

Marlon's beast is pretty tough, and the cosmic creature was too... i'm going with the comsic creature since he wasn't defeated so much as outlasted. Toss up, really though.

Vulkor wins on account of almost having a personality.

The Thythen were able to tussle with Supes and enslave the Martians; Lizard men were tough and insidious, but not quite in the same weight glass, head to head.

B'enn Burnzz strikes me as tougher and more well rounded than The Marshall; Knock-down, drag-out, but final.

D'kay's telepathic prowess seems off the scale, and she's not afraid to mix it up phsically. 3-in-one is in over his heads.

Weapons Master strikes me as a weightclass above Headmaster. He ruined a whole JLA's day. Head master just disturbed and then put up a respectable fight agains MM. No contest.

Ryx is a bag-o-wuss, so this goes easily to the Saturninan.

Diabolu Frank said...

I wouldn't underestimate the Cabal, but the lot of them did lose to Martian Manhunter. Cay'an meanwhile remains undefeated.

I really can't see S'vor doing anything to Scorch when she's tangled with Manhunter and Superman at the same time. I'm surprised he's doing so well for being so outclassed.

I like Grodd as well. The Master Gardener didn't get to demonstrate much power or stamina.

I passed on voting for either space dinosaur, and the Cosmic Creature is demolishing Marlon's Beast anyway.

I don't understand the Vulkor dissing. The guy took on Manhunter, Green Arrow and Speedy in a full length milestone team-up. The Marauders were generic hoodlums from one back-up. Behold the power of Showcase Presents. This should have been a massacre.

The thing about the Thythen is that their adventures occurred on Mars II, where both Superman and the Martians were at diminished power. Superman clobbered the surviving one once he recharged under a yellow sun. Still, the Lizard Men never impressed me much.

B'enn B'urnzz was fairly tough, but his being identical to J'onn J'onzz bores me. Still, the Marshal took it look it was prom night, so...

Thantos is mighty powerful, and we don't know how he fairs against telepathy. D'Kay is in for a fight, at least.

Weapons Master took down a fairly weak and epically incompetent League. Bloodwynd dealt him some pain, but it's definitely tough to overcome teleportation and a limitless arsenal. Headmaster's got troubles.

Ryx does suck. I can't recall why I didn't swap him out for Scorch and really test the Saturnian. if he wins, its because of his army.