On Mars, J'Onn J'Onzz approached his pyramid home, from which he psychically "heard" and could be telepathically heard by the Green Martian female serial killer. So glad I can stop repeating that same series of descriptors when the Manhunter declares (silently) "...I am coming to end you, D'kay D'razz." Tomorrow, I'll have a post that touches on why the Sleuth from Outer Space isn't more popular. One reason may be that detective stories don't work if there is no real investigation and the mystery is solved through mind reading. This fellow Martian was on a killing spree since at least 1955, going completely undetected by our hero despite a retcon that it was the purpose for which he was brought to Earth. The White Lantern had to tell him to even start looking, and meanwhile, the killer is claiming scores of new victims while J'Onn is hanging out with dogs and squirrels, unable to even reconcile the evidence pointing to her being a Green Martian. He had to be confronted by one of her victims, herself a White Martian who only survived because of the White Lantern (no connection.) Rather than continue from there, the "Manhunter" surrender his agency to the White Lantern, got sidetracked, and only addresses the killer when she breaks into his home and opens her mind enough to reveal her name. What is J'Onn even doing in this story, besides killing houseplants and lasering his own hands off?
So what does the Alex Forrest of the Red Planet have in mind? A candlelight dinner with a whole cooked turkey, white wine, and... a stacked pyramid of Chocos on a silver platter? I quit. This was a mistake. I never should have started this blog. Martians dining with cookies beside an open flame atop a transparent coffin? ████ you! ████ this! I'm out.
Just as I'm trying to reconsider, we learned that the ritualistic scarring on D'kay D'razz's body was the Martian symbols for love and hate. You know, like in the 1955 Robert Mitchum noir flop
The Night of the Hunter, involving a preacher with the words tattooed on his knuckles? Who are you trying to kid? More like the Simpsons'
Cape Fear parody with Sideshow Bob stalking Bart. I've seen both, but trust that this third time held no charm, just an exhausted groan. The single person I hold most responsible for Martian Manhunter's inviability as a solo character since his big breakthrough opportunity in the wake of
JLA is Pete Tomasi, because whether as an editor or creative, his hand is always at play when it comes to stupid ████ like this. What is D'kay D'razz but Malefic with ████, and what is this story but repeating oneself and expecting different results? Dc Comics ran a fan poll while this book was running, and I recall the Manhunter storyline ranking at or near the bottom (I think the Hawks were the only competition.)
D'kay tried to seduce J'Onn by offering to carve on his own body, completely misinterpreting his "straight edge" aesthetic. D'Kay told her origin story, which again, only diverges from J'Onn's brother's in ways that make her the less interesting, and I used to call Ma'alefa'ak "Green Venom" in his prime. D'kay declared them "the two loneliest beings in the universe," and tried to beat J'Onn mentally and physically into submitting to her "love." D'Kay revealed that it was she who had sent the first psychic image of green hands choking Erdel, and that in connecting with J'Onn learned that the Mars which had tormented her was no more. So, they're both idiots. D'Kay kept trying to merge with J'Onn, and tried to batter him with images of his friends declaring him a traitor. The Alien Atlas rebelled, eventually pummeling D'Kay into the ground, then using his new White Lantern powers to revival all the lost souls of Mars. Predictably, this was actually a delusion created by D'Kay, masquerading as J'Onn's wife M'yri'ah J'onzz.
"All This Useless Beauty" was by writers Peter J. Tomasi & Geoff Johns, with art by Patrick Gleason & company. I didn't take time to mention that a punch of Pat's page were lousy, with wacky proportions and an over-relience on shadow. Obviously he perked up when the fake Justice League showed up, and his Martians toward the back were quite good, but I think the J'Onn/D'Kay stuff bored him. Same. Also, the Black Lantern Martian Manhunter simulacrum flew around. I dunno. Whatever.
1 comment:
That was an awesome rant!
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