Superman Y2K

After Jimmy Olsen snapped a picture of Superman wearing a wedding ring, reporters all over town became desperate to find the bride of the Last Son of Krypton. In order to safeguard Kal-El's privacy, the JLA called a press conferance at the United Nations building in New York. Wonder Woman accepted the role of spokesperson for Plastic Man, the "Dark Flash," Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern, Steel, and Aquaman. "Yes, Superman is married...as are all on this stage...to the Justice League of America." The present members then presented a row of adorned ring fingers. "Regardless of that, these gold bands are in actuality highly sophisticated experimental signal devices recently issued to all members...You may see them again in the future." (Superman: The Man of Steel #96; Jan. 2000)

A more robotic (and Superman” The Animated Series-style) “Brainiac 2. 5” had fought the Man of Steel on a prior occasion before making the scene in Superman Y2K #1 (Feb. 2000). This Brainac infested the year 2000 problem-solving Lexcorp Y2Kompliance computer program, using it to take control of the entire electronic world. Trying to save bulletcars in Japan, Superman was telepathically contacted by J’Onn J’Onzz. Sporting ten arms, Manhunter was trying to cybernetically and telepathically coordinate Earth’s heroic response.
“J’Onn. What took you so long?”
“I had to reroute the teleporter targeting source before I could get up here...According to the Watchtower’s scans, ninety-six percent of the world’s computers have gone down. That accounts for approximately eighty percent of power, water, heat, transportation, etc. I’d be more specific--but this isn’t typical number crunching .”
“Where can I be of the most use?”
”That’s why I contacted you. Metropolis is clearly the epicenter of the problem, I’m investigating why--but you skills are required elsewhere...on a larger scale.” Nuclear missiles were launching across the globe by the thousand, as Green Lantern looked on. “Gee...good thing you threw all those nukes into the sun, and made them promise not to make any more, huh?” referring to the “King of the World” story. GL and Superman managed to stop the threat, as a multi-eyed Manhunter watched another drama unfold. Brainiac 2.5 began an involuntary upgrade, becoming the monolithic Braniac-13, a greater threat to the future...

Secret Files & Origins Guide To The DC Universe 2000 Vol.1, Part 2 (3/00)

The former creative team behind the Chase series, D. Curtis Johnson, J.H. Williams III, and Mick Gray, were next up with “Standard Operating Procedure.” Created six years previously (DC time) under the supervision of the presidentially-appointed Secretary of Metahuman Affairs, the D.E.O. became a branch of law enforcement and investigation for matters of an extraordinary nature that fall outside the pervue of other agencies. The D.E.O. absorbed several previous agencies in pursuit of this mission, including the Checkmate Knightwatch, Amanda Waller’s Task Force Delta/X (prompting her position as Southeast Regional Director;) and the Central Bureau of Intelligence, from which it took “King” Faraday as its Senior Director. Elements of these operations allowed the creation of new divisions like the Orphanage (education and training of exceptional youth) and the WABE (analysis and containment of exotic nonhuman terrestrial life.) Finally, the D.E.O. wholly or in part subsidizes a collective of super-scientific organizations that it utilizes under the heading of the National Metahuman Resource Foundation. This includes the Cadmus Project, S.T.A.R. Labs, and the Institute for Metahuman Studies.

A D.E.O. listening post in Colorado Springs intercepted a coded message sent in the direction of the planet Mars. It’s broadcast was triangulated back to a Rocky Mountain Fortress “consistent with a style favored” by the DCU and specifically Martian Manhunter foe Vandal Savage. A meteor strike on Pasadena, CA followed the message’s invitation to a hostile invasion force against Earth, our seeming first contact with an alien race amounting to ant-like creatures firing green laser beams from their “mouths” at us. A Suicide Squad, Knightwatch, and members of the JLA met this threat head-on. The Squad suffered “acceptable” casualties, the Squad destroyed Savage’s base (though he escaped capture/termination,) and the League routed the rest of the approaching alien fleet.

Later in the same issue, Director Bones discussed with an extraterrestrial advisor to the D.E.O. “Aliens in the DCU,” as told by Scott Beatty and Cully Hamner. Among those considered? “The Kryptonian is merely the tip of the iceberg. I’m afraid the planet Mars poses an even greater risk with refugees of all shapes, sizes... and colors. Green Martians. White Martians. They’re all changelings, Director... with powers that rival Superman’s. We suspect J’Onn J’Onzz alone maintains a half-dozen covert human identities around the globe.”

Finally, Atom Ray Palmer held sway over an unruly and unmotivated class on problem-solving techniques among super-heroes at Ivy University’s Science Building. Booster Gold made out with Firehawk while her old flame Firestorm pouted. Atom caught the Ray literally napping. “Dude, I’m only coming to this class so I can keep my JLA reserve status. I need to get back on their good side, after letting that freak, Triumph, turn me into his henchman. Heck, back in the day, I was Martian Manhunter’s number one student, when the Justice League Task Force was the JLA’s farm team.” Well, he still failed the test, as did John Henry Irons, who over thought the question. An exasperated Atom was pleased when Power Girl realized sometimes the simplest answer in best. Presented by Jay Faerber and issue cover artist Darick Robertson.

Secret Files & Origins Guide To The DC Universe 2000 Vol.1, Part 1 (3/00)

I love it when major companies publish a book like this, intent on giving a snapshot of their entire universe at a specific point in time. Much less so on specific titles, like the nigh-yearly Superman-related Secret Files that would merely recap the previous year’s overheated storylines. Here though, you’re treated to a brief overview of the entire line without getting lost in boring minutiae. You see who the company’s priorities were: who kept steady on, who was hot, and who was being pushing to no effect, entirely forgotten by the next snapshot. Also, artist Scott Eaton is one of those guys who still hasn’t received his proper respect for a classy, mainstream base look for characters married to a distinctive personal style that in a more just world would have landed him on crossover merchandising, or at least steady work on a title to call his own. Instead, we’re treated to his great takes on a wide range of characters, most of whom he (and ofttimes others) would never touch again.

Speaking of underused concepts from bygone days, the United States Department of Extra-Normal Operations, the government’s F.B.I. for super-people, asked Green Lantern Kyle Rayner to scour the DCU for the presence of Badlam. They believed the wraith, capable of possessing metahumans, had escaped their custody to infiltrate the super-hero community as one of their own. This premise allowed writers Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning license to explore the newly reformed Justice Society of America, a collection of World War II-era heroes and the legacy characters that followed in their footsteps. Next were the still-powerless Black Canary and Jade, the Ted Kord Blue Beetle, Guy Gardner in his days as a half-alien Warrior tending his own bar with meta-human associates, the Ronald Raymond Firestorm and Firehawk (largely unused at that point,) John Henry Irons Steel in his bulky second armor, the female Strange Visitor who inherited Superman’s lame electrical look and powers, “the Captains Marvel,” Resurrection Man, a still-living Max Mercury, Project Cadmus, Superman, harpoon-handed Aquaman, the Hitman Tommy Monaghan (to whom GL owed a bar tab,) Huntress, the Cassandra Cain Batgirl, Azrael in his silly “angel” costume before his death, and the Batman.

Kyle spent extra time with the reformed founding Titans, an incarnation which his girlfriend Donna Troy was a part of while he’d left a couple sets back. The Linda Danvers Supergirl, part-human/part-earthborn angel/part-other-dimensional construct, was grazed here. Green Lantern tracked the then-fugitive Young Justice by their Supercycle, as their cave base had previously been destroyed. At that time, the Wally West Flash was faced by a Dark Flash version of himself from an alternate future. Wonder Woman and Artemis trained in her flying Wonder Dome made from a shape shifting alien material. Kyle Rayner flew to the JLA’s lunar Watchtower, where he found his teammate, the Manhunter from Mars, overseeing events on Earth from his Monitor Womb.
“Anybody home?”
“Green Lantern. A pleasant surprise. I was not expecting you.”
“I just stopped by to say hi. Um...how’s it going?”
“Everything is fine. Was there something on your mind?”
“Nope. Not at all. Nothing. Honestly.”
J’Onn J’Onzz moaned to himself, “Hmmm.”

Further into the base, Kyle found an amused Plastic Man ringside as an indignant Orion demanded of Zauriel, “Angel, how dare you question my Godhood?!” Big Barda played peacemaker. Eventually, night turned to dawn, and the still fruitless search for Bedlam came to an end. As Kyle Rayner headed for home, the DEO’s Dr. Charles and Major Lutwidge of the Special Sanctions Division congratulated themselves on having duped the hero into collecting a wealth of information for them. Using his data and blueprints salvaged from Professor Ivo, they had constructed a giant “Amazo 2000” as their ultimate sanction against any metahumans gone rogue. However, light shined on marble head, as Green Lantern arrived to revealed, “...when I got urgent messages from Batman and Martian Manhunter [who’d deduced the scheme,] I decided to double back and check up on you. You used me. You made me betray my friends. You’re going to pay... I know you’re operating without D.E.O. authority! Batman confirmed with Agent Chase that this is all a black ops setup. Bedlam is still locked up tight.” The rogue pair unleashed Amazo 2000, but Kyle similarly used all the data on super-heroes he’d obtained to create a legion of them with his power ring, his virtual Martian Manhunter among the constructs to destroy this ersatz Amazo. Agent Cameron Chase, D.E.O. Northeastern Regional Director Bones, and a special missions force then arrived to collect their strays. Though Chase protested, the Director allowed Green Lantern to erase any files he’d collected and fly off into the sunrise.

Justice League Unlimited #37 (11/07)

HARD SPIRITS
Written by Matt Wayne
Pencilled by Min S. Ru
Inked by Jeff Albrecht Lettered by Mike Sellers
Colored by Heroic Age Edited by Rachael Gluckstern



Tattooed convicts run screaming about the yard of Blackgate Prison. From out of the night sky, a green-gloved hand grasps two of the prisoners before swinging back its ghostly arm toward a guard tower. It topples with a mighty crack, as beams erupt from ghostly eyes and ignite bonfires. Superman, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman fly in overhead, survelling the damage caused by the spiritual manifestation of the Christian God's wrath given ethereal form.

"Sometimes I wonder if the Spectre's really on our side."
"Jim Corrigan is his earthly vessel. Where is he?"
"First things first. We have to stop the big ghost--or it's Pandora's Box all over again!"

The Spectre too is a fisher of men, or rather felons he turns into fish, then snares on the hook. "Thus the spirit of vengeance exacts payment for his crimes!"

Wonder Woman jams both her feet into the back of the Spectre. "They are paying for their crimes." Martian Manhunter seizes a plainly stunned spirit by the collar, then tosses him toward the Man of Steel's left cross. "Enough, Spectre. I may have a glass jaw when it comes to magic-- but I can't just let you go off on these men!" The Spectre was inspired by Superman's words, but not so much their substance as the turn of phrase. "You, who defend the wicked... will share their fate! The spirit first converts the Kryptonian into Man of Glass, then shatters his face with a right cross of his own. Both his cohorts cry, "Superman!" Manhunter grabs the wraith from behind, locking his arms around his head. Diana draws back for a blow, demanding, "Where's Corrigan, and how do we put you both in your body?"

With a grin, Spectre asks, "You want enlightenment?" Both heroes begin melting away in the presence of merciless retribution. "Diana! I can't change shape!"
"He's *NGGH* turning us into candles..."
Especially ironic in the case of J'Onn J'Onzz, all that remains of the two heroes is a pair of lit sticks: one green, one gold surrounded by red.

Cue Title Sequence and commercial break. A mother mutters about this all being a bit gruesome for youngsters, and turns the channel to Disney. Her brother complains about Vanessa Hudgens not being nearly as interesting with her clothes on. He also pedantically notes that he'd seen that episode of JLU already, and found it to be more premise than story. He began to drone on about the implications of Rama Kushna's ability to empower a vaguely Hindu spirit to possess a clearly Christian spirit, but mom was sick of listening, and switched the channel back. By this point, Deadman had relinquished control of the Spectre back to Jim Corrigan, who undid all the wrongs committed under the influence of Tala (as revealed in an obtrusive cameo by Dr. Fate.)

Black Friday

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: The Motion Picture, Part 2 (2000)

Billy Drago as Malefic
Drago is one of those character actors you've probably seen in a dozen movies. You might know the face, but can't quite place it. That is unless you were one of the dozens of people who followed Fox's sci-fi western"The Adventures of Brisco County Jr", where he played the murderous John Bly. He's also made his fair share of B-movies, with the likes of Chuck Norris, Cynthia Rothrock, and others. Questionable pedigree aside, you can't find a better actor to play a slithery, sleazy, devious type like Malefic.

Armand Assante as Vandal Savage Okay, we want a guy who's vaguely foreign, middle-aged, and calmly evil as all hell. Assante can fill all three roles, plus he has experience in period pieces and genre roles. Who could ask for anything more?

FILM:
Judge Dredd
The Mambo Kings
Scandel

TELEVISION:
The Odyssey

Alec Baldwin in a cameo as Batman
Don't give me that Michael Keaton jive. Just because Kilmer and Clooney stank, everyone's gotten nostalgic for the robotic Batman of '89. Well, Alec has the dapper playboy down, but he's also done a great job at playing grim, obsessive types. Check out his sinister side in "Mercury Rising".

Billy Campbell in a cameo as Superman
Square-jawed, and mild-mannered, he's got the right look, voice, and attitude to make people forget Christopher Reeve. That's one tall order. but Bill can fill those shoes. Besides, he's got experience pretending to fly while suspended from wires. How many guys have that on their resumé?

FILMS:
The Rocketeer

TELEVISION:
Once & Again

Madeline Stowe in a cameo as Wonder Woman
Besides the great body and chisled features, Stowe can pull off the warrior side of Diana. She often plays strong and determined women, and I'd love for her to portray the amazing amazon. People keep telling me she's too old to play the part. You're looking at the picture...Does it say "too old" to you?

FILMS:
Revenge
The General's Daughter
The Two Jakes

Sam Neill as Maxwell Lord
He's got to be smooth and sophisticated, light-hearted yet slightly nefarious. Sam Neill has certainly proven his range over his twenty years in film. I'm also positive Adam Hughes used Neill as his model for Max when he drew Justice League America in the late 80's!

FILMS:
Dead Calm
Event Horizon
The Final Conflict: The Omen III
The Hunt for Red October Jurassic Park

Frank, J'Onn, and Ray

...and if you're the proprietor of a Manhunter blog, you can post the occasional picture of yourself with your main man by your homeboy. Dave did an outstanding job taking digital photos of Martian Manhunter merchandise during a poorly planned and speedily executed photo op in a Houston parking lot. He also took the time to manipulate several photos for added effect. These will act as filler bunnies when the need arises or circumstances, like a national holiday halving my daily traffic, warrant. Pictured: "Frank Lee Delano*," "J'Onn J'Onzz," and "the Atom."


*I kept seeing my ugly mug pop up during searches for Martian Manhunter pictures, so I opted to lop my fool head off.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: The Motion Picture Part 1 (2000)

Back when I had the "Rock of the JLA" site, I did a fan casting of higher-profile friends, enemies, and associates for a theoretical movie. In those days, I was stuck on WebTV, meaning almost all the pictures on the site were low-res found images off other sites. I wanted to preserve that project as it stood, so mistakes and lapses in quality are all intact. I think it holds up pretty well, though many of the actors are now too old, and Jennifer Jason Leigh wasn't in "Fried Green Tomatos. If we had IMDB back then, I didn't know it. Resized for space, part one of two, rolling...

MARTIAN MANHUNTER
The Motion Picture
WARNER BROTHERS does not Present
"MARTIAN MANHUNTER" AVERY BROOKS CLANCY BROWN with CHARLES FLEISHER as the voice of 'L-Ron' Music Composed by JEAN-MICHEL JARRE Character Animation and Visual Effects by INDUSTRIAL LIGHT & MAGIC Executive Produced by NOBODY & This is a joke Produced by JOEL SILVER Written by J.M. DeMATTEIS and KEITH GIFFEN and MARK WAID and GRANT MORRISON THIS IS NOT A REAL MOVIE. I'M JUST PLAYING DON'T SUE ME Directed by JOE DANTE

Let's just be up front about this...There will never, ever be a Martian Manhunter movie. Even if one were ever produced, it would undoubtedly suck. If abominations like "Batman & Robin", "Superman 4:The Quest for Peace", and "Captain America" could happen, what chance has MM got?

On the other hand, most of these actors could potentially provide their voices to an animated show. Unlikly as that may be, I can tell you from experience that hearing Avery Brooks' voice while reading J'Onn in JLA just enrices a person's reading experience. Give it a shot...

Avery Brooks as The Manhunter from Mars
J'Onn shouldn't just be a tall guy with a deep voice. The actor has to be able to emote, even when he isn't speaking. When he does speak, the words should have weight, but he shouldn't come off as cold. I've always imagined a little cracking in J'Onn's voice, especially during his many heartfelt speeches. Brooks captures all of these things, plus he's fairly tall, to boot!

FILMS:
American History X
The Big Hit

TELEVISION:
Spencer for Hire (Hawk)
Star Trek:Deep Space Nine (Capt.Ben Sisko)


Clancy Brown as Despero
Anyone who saw the only good "Highlander" movie knows Clancy Brown can play a balls-to-the-walls destructive madman. If you caught "Stephen King's Pet Sematary", you know he can pull off the creepy serial killer part. What you may not know is that the same guy also provides the golden throat for Lex Luthor on the WB's Superman cartoon. He'll need a little bit of all three to play a sadist like Despero.

OTHER FILMS:
Blue Steel


Alyssa Milano as Gypsy
She's perky! She's tough in a cute way! She's Tony's daughter! How could they not be the boss of Judith Light? Who am I trying to kid? I'm not a huge fan of Gypsy to begin with, and all the actresses that came to mind are too old for the role. I do like Ms.Milano, and it's not like it's a demanding part. Bonus-She'll make anyone who plays MM look even taller!

MOVIES:
Embrace of the Vampire
Poison Ivy 2

TELEVISION:
Charmed
Melrose Place
Who's the Boss

Jennifer Jason Leigh as Cameron Chase
For this role, you need someone who's attractive without looking "Hollywood". She has to appear immediatly formitable, and noticably intelligent. In roles from Dorothy Parker to the "Single White Female" psycho, Leigh has proven that she's right for DEO Agent Chase. I think she can hold her own against a seven foot Martian, and still make it all believable.

OTHER FILMS;
Dorothy Parker and the Viscious Circle
Fried Green Tomatos
Rush

Don Cheadle as DEO Director Bones
Right off the bat, for those who don't know, Mister Bones was African-American. Second, Bones is a reformed who, who still believes he's doing the right thing by safeguarding the United States from the metahuman community.

Now, you've got to get the sense that this is a good man doing bad things, and you've got to get it across through nothing but a computer generated talking skeleton...and voice acting. Bones doesn't have one of those James Earl Jones reverb voices, so he's got to sound normal, yet sympathetic and devoted, even borderline fanatical and conniving. It would take a stunning talent to pull all that off, and his name is Don Cheadle. He's one hell of an actor, with roles ranging from an impassioned small town prosecutor to a drug-dealing hood caught up in a political race. He's even got the right build for the role, should the latex route be taken.

FILMS:
Boogie Nights
Bullworth
Devil in a Blue Dress
Hamburger Hill
Rosewood
Volcano

TELEVISION:
Picket Fences


James Van Der Beek as Triumph
Have you ever read one of Wizard Magazine's comic book Casting Calls? I know I gag at some of their God-awful choices to play heroes that people actual care about. They just love picturing wrestlers, Baywatch babes, and soap stars as their favorite heroes. I usually don't, but visions of teen idols dance in my head when I think about Triumph. No one on Earth liked this egotistical pretty boy, who always whined about how he should have been one of the greats of the DCU. So, you need someone young and blond with that forced pseudo-depth required to deliver lines like, "I love Monica, but I can't betray Susan to my passion." Or maybe, "That's yer dream Daddy, not mahne!" Here's your guy!

FILMS:
Varsity Blues

TELEVISION:
Dawson's Creek

House of Mystery #155 (12/65)

"On a remote beach illuminated by the light of the full moon, the dread Idol-Head of Diabolu opens..." From the smoke that issued forth formed a colossal man in red bikini swim trunks, a turban, plate earrings, and nothing else but a moustache measured in feet. Why must he be, “The Giant Genie of Gensu” instead of just a Robin Williams-sized wish granter? Because it’s a J’onn J’onzz story, and every other villain has to be a giant. It was federal law. By what authority may we judge them?
He appeared before petty criminal "Mousy" Mulloy, saying, "As you are first man to lay eyes upon me--The Genie of Gensu--I am yours to command, master!" My first command would be, "Don't touch me in that bad way," but I digress. As a test command, Mousy had his genie snatch a ship out of the water and shake its passengers loose. Next, he hit the Eastside garage hideout of the Duke Durgon Gang, and used Dijin muscle to take charge of those bums. They'd need capital, so the genie was sent to swipe the entire vault out of a bank. This was where he ran afoul of the Manhunter. This pleased onlookers: “’More powerful than bullets’ is right! You mean the Manhunter from Mars!”

"The Martian Marvel moves with lightning speed," to snag the vault for a safe landing. The genie tossed a fire hydrant at J'onn J’onzz, completely getting his weakness wrong as it bounced off the alien’s chest. As a matter of fact, I took this as an in-joke, since this is just about the only HoM story to not exploit fire. Even though J'Onn considered, "This character is as indestructible as I am," he still flipped the giant around with a judo toss. Ex-gang leader Duke thought, "Yipes...He hasn't a chance against the Martian!" When power beams exploded from the genie's eyes, J'Onn figured he'd, "...tear apart the whole town trying to defeat me," so he turned invisible (for once!) Duke assumed the genie annihilated Manhunter, and proceeded to lead “The Amazing Martian” straight to his hideout.

J'Onn gave Duke Durgon a rough tap on the noggin, then assumed his identity. "Duke" learned the genie's Diabolu origins, then tricked Mousy into sending his servant to an abandoned mine. Manhunter then fantastically transformed into the Genie of Gensu with his shapeshifting abilities. “The Genie” next went on a rampage against the former Duke Durgon Gang. Using his amazing hearing, J'Onn tracked the real genie's return to his master, and split just before it arrived. Fearing for his life, Mousy commanded the genie to return to where it came from. With the Genie of Gensu out of the way, J'Onn easily packed the gangsters off to the pokey. “From now on, Mousy--you’ll be taking commands--in prison--instead of giving them!” Could J’Onzz be any less delicate without referencing shower stalls and broom handles? Buh-roo-tal! Please not also the lack of illogic leaps and versatile use of Martian abilities? Could this really be by Jack Miller and Joe Certa?

House of Mystery #154 (10/65)

Let’s look at our records with this issue: Circulation numbers for House of Mystery became available in 1960, at which point the title was selling an average of 208,000 copies, from which it would climb to a peak of 225K the following year. Sales plummeted the year following by 50,000, likely the cause for J’Onn J’Onzz being instated as a super-heroic lead feature to what had been a giant monster title. By the end of his first year as lead feature, the Manhunter from Mars was selling 196,677 copies an issue on average. However, the numbers dropped to 183,934 over the next year, leading to J’Onn’s being bumped from the covers permanently with this edition. Further, where his stories often took up two-thirds of a given issue with an unrelated back-up, his “lead” feature was now little more than nine pages. Maybe the face of the book was now a purple cookie monster who fired rays from his eyes, but the Martian delivered a nifty story, anyway.

The convicts in the yard at Elgin Prison laughed about blocky thug Orry Kane swearing revenge against the Manhunter who captured him in the week before his release from prison. “I’ll tell yuh exactly what I’m gonna do, wise guy! I’m gonna pull the biggest job of my life--right under the Manhunter’s nose!” The warden called in J’Onn J’Onzz after Orry’s “brazen boast courses through the mysterious channels of the underworld grapevine.” This prompts him to assume the role of “chubby guy with ridiculous pompadour,” as he followed parolee Kane to a warehouse break-in. It turned out to be a trap, with J'Onn staring into his reflection in a magical mirror. Kane recites an incantation, releasing a distorted Manhunter from the Mirror of Malador. “Siddifo--Saddifo-Ralvo... evil image--come forward and recognize me as your master!” An awesome six-figure judo move sent the evil Martian through a wall, but the futility of a fight between exact equals and the property damage they caused distracted J'Onn. “H-He is indestructible--like myself--which means, this contest could continue--to the end of time!”

Vibrations from thunderously concussive blows sent a rail car off the tracks toward cars under a bridge, before the Alien Atlas saved the day. “Whew, what a sight for sore eyes the Manhunter is at a time like this.” Yet, the Mirror Manhunter was responsible for just such a situation, as he peeled open a cargo plane to scoop out a measly million dollar shipment of gems at his master’s beckoning. The real Manhunter soldiered on, with a flame-thrower strapped to his back! J'Onn's daring plan proved a liability when the evil Manhunter turned out not to share his weakness, tossing a burning bush at our boy. Manhunter rolled a boulder at a plane just to blow out the little fire with propeller backwash. Seems like a tad much collateral damage for a hero who was using super Martian Breath in pretty much his every appearance in “Justice League of America.”

The police had meanwhile made their way to the warehouse, intent on smashing the Mirror of Malador. J’Onzz stopped them, instead presenting it to the Mirror Manhunter with the words, “Ovlar-Ofiddas-Ofiddis” while depressing the tiny trigger button on the upper right of the frame. Faux Manhunter and mirror were reintegrated, and both smashed to bits by a jade fist. The worked “by reversing the incantation you uttered to materialize the evil reflection...an old Black Magic ritual! ...Let’s go, Kane! The next time you see a mirror, you’ll see yourself dressed in a prison suit again!”

Believed to be by Jack Miller and Joe Certa.

House of Mystery #153 (September, 1965)

“From out of the past emerges Professor Arnold Hugo, sinister scientific genius, with a fantastic new plot to unloose his evil on the world!” This month, J'Onn was on his own against his irregular adversary. “How could I ever forget Professor Hugo-- Batman's old enemy who tried to gain my powers! He is as evil and dangerous as anything that can emerge from the Idol-Head of Diabolu!” I really like that bulbous-headed geek. There's just a palpable sense of malice whenever he appears, even though he's never much of a threat. Maybe that's his problem, an impotent fury that will never be satisfied. “It’s still a week away from a full moon, when the Diabolu Idol-Head opens--time enough to find Hugo and clap him back behind bars!” Afterthought and diversion--thy name is Hugo!

The story began with an “innocuous little” J’onzz identity (looked a bit like Floyd the Barber) searching a seacoast curio store for the Idol-Head. Cool continuity, huh? Very Stan Lee, and I mean that with the utmost respect. A nearby radio announced that the notorious evil scientist had escaped from Bayville Prison, and was seen headed toward nearby Seaside. “Too bad Zook is ailing-- he'd like to be in on this case with me!” An airborne search led the Manhunter to Hugo, who used a special gun on his foe. “Great cosmic clouds! He’s firing--fireballs!” J'Onn used super speed to dodge while he ripped iron "spears" from a gate to burst the flaming orbs before they set Seaside ablaze.



Hugo escaped to a secret mountain region, where he unearthed a trio of titanic-sized frozen cavemen. “Hee, hee! So--it’s true! These are the pre-historic giants--the last of a race of evolutionary freaks that lived eons ago--These few, being indestructible, ruled the Earth once--and were overcome only by the ice age...” With his fingers trembling excitedly as he worked his device, the Professor tapped into the giants' power, growing to fifty feet... as did his suit and tie, to hilarious effect. Hugo smashed the device which enabled his transformation, to insure its finality.

While mighty Martian Vision led the Alien Atlas to the towering Hugo, he proved unable to harm his foe. Hugo taunted J'onzz with sadistic glee. "Don’t you know that a Super Big Man has got it all over a Super Little Man, Manhunter? ...Ha! Ha! You can't hurt me, little man! I'm as indestructible as you are, Manhunter! Don't bother me any more, little man!" He seized J'Onn J'Onzz, then flung him like a rag doll with all his might. Through a cruel, slight grin, Arnold noted, "If you try and stop me again--I'll hurl you to the moon next time!"



“Panic grips Mayville City at the appearance of the giant figure of Professor Arnold Hugo...”
“Yikes! Look what’s hitting town!”
“Yes--I, Professor Hugo--future master of the whole world! You should feel honored that I have chosen Mayville as my base of operations!”
Really, Mayville City as the new capital of the Earth? Well, alright. At least Mayville’s Finest managed to irk "The Mental Wizard" with their pesky gunfire to the point that he stomped some poor soul’s hardtop in with the heel of his now-invulnerable Oxford. “Fools! Must I smash you all before you recognize me as your leader! Now, hear this! You shall all assist me in the building of certain machines only my great genius can devise! Don’t try to leave town! Anyone caught trying to leave will be destroyed!” Certain machines? So the first step to enslaving the world is forcing an entire city to become your lab techs? Something tells me this all comes from the days when Mrs. Hugo couldn’t bribe the other mothers in town to keep their play dates with little Arnie.



While Hugo rampaged through Mayville to gloat and flaunt his new found power, the prehistoric giants thawed out. MM was unable to stop them with a cave-in, although it was nice to see J'Onn smash through a crude but massive magnifying glass(?!?) one caveman used to start a fire. He did slow their progress by breaking a water main to soak the ground, with the great weight of the cavemen forcing them deep into the mud. Arriving ahead in town, J'Onn distracted Hugo while the city was evacuated. "Well, well--If it isn't the little man again! Still think you're big enough to challenge me?"
“I can do one thing you can’t, Professor—FLY!”



J'onzz briefly wrapped Hugo in cable, giving the citizens of Mayville time to flee the colossal conflict to come. Once the cavemen made the scene, they showed Arnold big from BIG. Hugo hoped for "king-sized henchmen," but instead found brutal savages on the attack. The Martian Marvel initially joked about their failure to recognize Hugo's leadership, but as things got hairy, "They've got him badly outnumbered! I must help him--So he can help me!" J'Onzz took some serious punishment while Hugo prepared the equipment Mayville had been working on, but the pair managed to see the cavemen re-frozen. Too bad Zook was out sick, or he could have saved a lot of trouble. In a move that could get his Mensa card revoked, Hugo fell for the old, "There's another one behind you!" trick. It lost him his equipment to the Manhunter, who used it to shrink Hugo down to normal. How, seeing as it was supposed to be a freeze ray built from another machine Mayville supplied equipment for? Maybe after “Plan 9 From Outer Space” Ed Wood moonlighted in comics as “Dave Wood?” J'Onn planned to lug the entire Neandersickle trio back to their cave, but had to first deal with Arnold. "You--you Martian pest! If--if not for you, I would've become master of the world!" With a big grin, J'Onn replied, "Oh, don't blame me, Professor-- Actually, it was your own machine that defeated you!"

“The Giants Who Slept 1,000,000 Years” was by Jack Miller and Joe Certa. It's an all-time Alien Atlas favorite of mine!

DC Outburst: Firepower, card #75 (1996)

Since we posted the first of two cards featuring J'Onn J'Onzz last Friday, might as well finish 'er off this 'un.

Glancing over the set again for the first time in some time, I noticed artists were assigned to certain characters throughout the set. Famed Detective Comics artist Norm Breyfogle got to employ his Prime chops on the Man of Steel, while Manhunter artist Eduardo Barreto took on the Dark Knight, and Darryl Banks worked the pen over his own Emerald Gladiator, getting three cards each. Martian Manhunter of course got Chris Renaud for his two, while Flash got Chris Renaud for his three, as did Wonder Woman. I'm sensing a pattern here, not unlike what occurred with the artist on Metamorpho and Impulse, Chris Renaud. But I swear, Chris Renaud looked a lot like Kevin West on some of his cards, so the middling nature of the set can't be blamed entirely on him. Why, Aquaman's pair of cards were by Joe St. Pierre, best known for not being a superstar Valiant Comics artist, even by Valiant Comics standards. I could make a crack about the usually workmanlike Mike Collins' submissions, but the guy did his fair share of work on the Martian Manhunter, presumably willingly, and he was really turning in above par pieces here. Inked by Scott Hanna and benefiting from quality printing and colors for once, Collins depicts a ponytail-period Nightwing better than anyone that comes to mind but designer Brian Stelfreeze himself.

Text from the card, supposedly authored by Oracle: "He has a great mind for planning tactics and scheming to beat the villains he faces. But when it comes to the crunch, Martian Manhunter loves the rough and tumble of a good fight."

Huh? J'Onn? Uhm... inked by Barb Kaalberg. That's all I got. Well okay, how about "that makes about as much sense as having the Martian Manhunter in a set that has a blazing DC Bullet with the word 'Firepower' on every single card."

Justice League of America #243 (11/85)

Aquaman: Returned with his wife to an empty Bunker. Took another L.O.S.T. up north to find his team. “Believe me, Mari... I’m sorry. I’ve no excuse for what I did, leaving the League.” Joined Vixen and Martian Manhunter against Amazo. “I failed the League, J’Onn... but I found the woman I love. And in finding her I found myself. I weighed duty and love in the balance. Love won. Under the circumstances, when we return to Detroit... I think there’s nothing else I can do but resign from the Justice League. Maybe then I can rediscover my life... with Mera by my side.”

Vixen: Freed herself from bonds, then shattered the boulder and rescued her friends. Mistook the Aquaman-piloted L.O.S.T. for Dale and J’Onn, only to complain about the Sea King’s tardiness. Met Mera. “Arthur said you were the one who convinced him to seek me. We owe you a debt of thanks I can never repay.” Possibly because she would soon be driven insane by Earth’s polluted oceans, get impaled while trying to murder her husband, and kiss this world goodbye back to her own other-dimensional home. Sucks to be an Aquaman supporting character. Still, Mari was pleased. “Well, how do you like that? Old Arthur’s got a heart after all.” Less pleasing: getting beat on by Amazo some more. But as Vixen noted, “Back when I was a fashion model, I spent a week in Vancouver--lovely town. Let’s keep this creep from flattening it.”

Elongated Man: Limp body used as a rope by Vixen.

Zatanna, Vibe, & Gypsy: Got saved by Vixen.

Steel: Tore up enough that Mera freaked out over the exposed artificial musculature of his right hand. Woke up hot over Amazo and screamed at Mera, “Where is he?” Caught Vixen before she could be smooshed against the side of the L.O.S.T.

Dale Gunn: Mistook a giant key for “that old-fashioned airplane marker.”

Martian Manhunter: J'Onn entered Superman's Fortress of Solitude by using its giant key. Why an intangible wraith would need to do so, I don't know, but at least MM was one of the few characters who could actually lift the key and use it. “Long ago Superman programmed safe passage into the Fortress computers for all members of the original League--“ While J’Onzz was investigating, an innocent trucker (and his truck) was slain by Amazo. J'Onn redeemed himself slightly by using the information he uncovered at the Fortress to defeat the android. “He was created by Professor Ivo solely to obey commands. No sadder, lonelier creature has ever existed. When not driven by outside programming, Amazo has but one desire. Oblivion... Left to his own devices, Amazo would shut himself down instantly. Obviously, the fact that he has not done so indicates he is under the command of a human intelligence." A stray meteor had pierced the Fortress’ defenses, inadvertently reactivating the android and sending it to wander cluelessly until its program absorbed the malevolent consciousness of Slick Jake MacGregor. A constable had found a picture of MacGregor in the wreckage of St. Jude, which was all Manhunter needed to assume his form. This logic trap worked well against the artificial intelligence of Amazo/MacGregor, allowing Aquaman the chance to deliver a knockout blow.

The Creators: Especially under Manhunter’s “leadership,” the character Gerry Conway created to star in her own aborted series continued to prove herself one of, if not the, most effective current Leaguers. I like Vixen though, so I won’t hold that or her Storm-lite bout with claustrophobia in the pit against her. Steel also continued to perform well for his age and status, though maybe getting five issues of “Steel: The Indestructible Man” out before the implosion got some of the excess paternal love out of Conway’s system. George Tuska continued to be graced by Mike Machlan’s inks.

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: “Big Green.” -Dale Gunn
“JJ” –Dale Gunn, who also just called him "J'Onzz," because he's cool like that.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: Not a word. Just blissful, accent-free silence.

Justice League of America #242 (9/85)

Aquaman: “For the past six weeks he’s lived for duty and honor. But now he knows duty and honor are not enough. A man must have love in his life... Six weeks ago, his wife left him. For six weeks he tried to bury her memory. He could not. He is determined to find her, or die in the trying.” Checks the sunken city of New Venice off the Florida coast where he used to live, but fishies redirect him to the Place of Dark Currents. There he’s reunited with Mera, and it feels so good. Reunited! Now--it’s understood! “After our son’s death... I thought, if I ever truly acknowledged that I was suffering... that it would destroy me... When I cut off the grief, I cut off the love.” Also, the “do not telepathically manipulate your charges” light.

Zatanna: Left under a rock. No, not figuratively, but I can see how you might take it that way. No, she was literally beaten by Amazo’s use of invisibility, heat vision and super-speed, tied up, dumped in a pit, and covered by a boulder. Oh, and foiled by her one weakness, a gag. You thought fire was lame...

Steel: Same as above, but with elasticity, super-strength, and especially the Canary Cry.

Vibe, Vixen: As above, but just plain beat.

Gypsy: Fended off attacking grizzly bear with her powers of illusion, seeing as it could still smell through her invisibility.

Elongated Man: The master detective failed to notice the above, but was on hand to help Gypsy fall to Amazo.

Dale Gunn: Woke up before J’Onn, complaining of a ringing in his ears and a feeling of helplessness that was worse than his time in ‘Nam. “J’Onzz... you don’t look too good, Big Green.” Dale helped J’Onn to a nearby watering hole, where the Martian uttered Golden Turkey dialogue, “Dale... Water... So much water...Water. Drink. So much water, so rich a land." I still can't figure whether Gerry was writing Hulk or Super Chief there, but I digress. While his team was buried alive in a big ol' hole, J'Onn flew off with Dale in search of the Fortress of Solitude. Dale questioned the move, but J’Onn brushed his concerns aside. “Have no fear for them, Dale Gunn. My orders were clear—they will not engage Amazo in combat, without first consulting me,” who was absentee and incommunicado. Ouch.

Martian Manhunter: Steel ignored Manhunter’s order not to engage Amazo, as the android was in the midst of clobbering Steel and Gypsy. Zatanna held back, followed orders, and tried to contact J’Onn, who was still sleeping off the effects of his attack. So who was in the right, Steel or Zee? There was a half-assed explanation in that J’Onn’s signal ring was busted, but Dale’s worked fine, and scouting the area (especially with night having fallen) should have been first priority. Let's just say J'Onn's not a natural leader, or else he was pulling his “tough love” shtick, and move on. If not, I’m bound to make a pun about J’Onn being green in his role. Oh, dag.

Introduced this issue: Martian Manhunter’s leadership ineptitude. No wait, that was last issue. It was introduced that the signal rings aren’t a good idea, but we knew that already, as well.

The Creators: Gerry Conway & George Tuska w/Mike Machlan.

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: “J.J.” –Dale Gunn
“Big Green.” Dale & Vibe.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: While tripping and falling down a slope, “S-serious? AHH-KHEWW! I’ll tell you serious, señora! KHEWWWW! I jus’ figured out... I got... ahahaaa--ahhh----KHEEWWWW----hayfever!”

Justice League of America #241 (8/85)

Vixen: Goaded Aquaman into considering reconciliation with his estranged wife, despite his protesting her “asinine pop psychology.” Hung out with her fellow Leaguers as they cooked lunch. When Aquaman came up missing just as the team was alerted to the return of an old threat, she kept her knowledge of his likely whereabouts to herself.

Aquaman: Marriage to Mera established at seven years to this point. Aquaman was prideful, evasive, and passive-aggressive in Vixen’s presence, but equivocated in solitude. Arthur questioned the true motivation behind all his recent decisions, and owned up to his transferring his tumultuous emotional state onto the new team he brought into existence. Finally, he jumped off a pier in search of his lost love.

Steel: After dominating most of the previous issues with his presence, Steel backed off a bit here. Had a macho mini-brawl with Vibe over dating his sister; a conflict resolved with Vibe’s blessing the courtship. Beyond that, he coasted this issue.

Zatanna: Continued to be as much, and most likely more, of a non-entity on the team than Sue Dibney this outing. She paired-off on the mission with Steel, and spoke exactly one line of dialogue.

Vibe: Turned his powers against Steel until his old-school protectiveness was sated by Steel’s formally asking permission to date Paco’s sister. Vibe then debuted his new costume. This move advanced his people five years—up from the ten Vibe’s very existence set them back. Sure it was mostly black and red, but with studded belts, a plunging neckline, fingerless gloves, and chunky ankle boots. He might as well have thrown in a sombrero and fringe. He paired-off with Vixen on the mission.

Dale Gunn: Cooked up some Texas-style chili. Flew the L.O.S.T. to the mission site. Pulled a Bones McCoy with his “I’m just a glorified engineer doubling as a pilot... but...” riff. Got knocked out.

Gypsy: Helped Dale make the chili, but slipped and lost her grip on the bowl. Made pointed comments about Ralph and Sue’s sitcom couple marriage, then even less tactfully blew J’Onn J’Onzz off when he questioned her bitter stance. Thought Vibe’s new outfit was “cute,” prompting him to puff-up and rant. Threw Manhunter shade about it being Aquaman’s job to brief the team on missions, not his.

Elongated Man & Sue Dibney: Ralph used his incredible powers to save a bowl of chili and quoted Emily Post. Sue had eighteen times as much dialogue as Zatanna, as she kidded her husband and helped make peace between Vibe and Steel. Ralph paired-off with Gypsy on the mission.

Martian Manhunter: Wearing an apron around his waist as he diced onions for the chili, Manhunter noted “After three decades on your world, I thought I was beyond the possibility of new experiences. It would appear I was mistaken.” When Gypsy almost nullified his culinary effort, J’Onn actually exclaimed “--Gods of Mars--!” Meanwhile Amazo, the android “one-man Justice League,” escaped confinement at the Fortress of Solitude and absorbed the life force/personality of drunken lout Slick Jake MacGregor. The repurposed Amazo then slaughtered the town of St. Jude in the Canadian Yukon, population 200, as revenge for its treatment of MacGregor. This tragedy prompted the Manhunter to call the League together, both to address Amazo and their being short one leader. J’Onzz called the shots, but not without question, and rightly so. When evidence suggested Amazo could have headed off in any of three directions, he splintered the group to follow each lead, quartering their effectiveness. J’Onzz one-upped Gunn’s Bones with his own take off Phil Hartman’s Caveman Lawyer. “I ask myself...Dale Gunn. What would Aquaman have done, I wonder? On Mars, I was thrust into a position of command, but I too am a scientist by nature. Command does not come naturally to...me...?” Up from under the ground sprang Amazo, who swiftly used his super-breath to blow Dale and the Martian Manhunter up against consciousness-depriving rocks.

Introduced this issue: Justice League signal rings-- gold bands with a gigantic red light/gem that beeped team members and acted as a verbal communicator. Conway was still ignoring J’Onn’s mental powers, and the Legion of Super-Heroes thought we weren’t just cavemen, but tacky cavemen.

The Creators: Gerry Conway, still struggling to balance the mundance with the fantastic, forced poor George Tuska to spend 2 ½ pages on the chili skit. Thanks largely to the rich inks of Mike Machlan, the grizzled old veteran managed to make the rampant inanities of the issue reasonably appealing to the eye. At times, he even invoked Alex Toth and Bob Oksner instead of the usual “Don Heck of DC.”

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: “The Big Green Guy.”-Gypsy.
“Big Green”-Vibe.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: “Cute? You call me cute? Do people call the Batman cute? Do people call Superman... cute? With this suit, I’m making a statement. I’m saying, ‘you’d better give me your respect, or I’m gonna bust your head.’”