Friday, December 14, 2007
JLA Classified #25 (9/06)
Vixen: Ran recon in the caves, ‘cuz she’s stealthy. Revealed she hated bears, but used their power and tried to save one that plunged to its death. “We’re still family!” Punched and kicked various bad people.
Gypsy: Powned everyone. Retroactively revealed to be some sort of minor vagabond goddess with a slew of powers and secret knowledge previously unknown to readers. Psychically guided all the Leaguers to where they needed to be to be while making them think they were just following intuition. Personally defeated Amos Fortune with a hook to the guy so severe it lifted him off the ground. Precognitive to boot. I can and likely will devote whole blogs to the impact this one issue would have on her history, if it were actually canonical. For instance, she’s way powerful enough to wander the streets of Detroit barefoot now, so that finally makes sense. Why didn’t I figure it out before?!? It was right in front of us the whole time!
Vibe: When not placed on the stealth squad, repeatedly protested “I’m very sneaky!” Fended off a fake lion. Zapped a Royal Flush Gangster. Thought of Gypsy, “Man, that chica digs me!” Instead, had his destiny secretly read. “Vibe--dead, in the future! The vision never changes!”
Steel: “And Steel, too!” D’oh! Beat up one old man, and contributed to the fatal coronary of another.
Martian Manhunter: “I’ll be fine, now that we’re away from the fire. To a Martian, fire’s like throwing an off switch. You’re completely helpless. Failed to deduce that Gypsy mentally manipulated him into position, unsure if she’d verbally called out to him, despite her protestation. Fought a faux she-demon. Outsmarted the bad lack powers directed against him. “I’m just walking-- putting one foot in front of the other. Luck has nothing to do with it.” Capitalized on the psychic feedback which struck the Royal Flush Gang after one of their members died. Hit a woman. “Something’s going on with Gypsy. But I still can’t read it.
Aquaman: Survived the fire with blood smeared on his person, but still collapsed from dehydration. Revived by a freak shower. Busts into the cave hideout just after the case was wrapped, shouting, “Thank Neptune! ...I would have been here sooner but I walked into the one thing I can’t handle--fire--” Manhunter replied, “Join the club.”
Dale Gunn: ...
The Creators: Steve Englehart digs on the Wiccan-Pagan-Devil-Worship-Jungle-Music, and his resume reflects it, so he clearly enjoyed writing Gypsy WAY beyond hr previously established perimeters as a Madonna/Cyndi Lauper wannabe with illusion powers. Tom Derenick also enjoyed drawing Gypsy’s physical development WAY beyond her years at this point in her history. Goddess or no, fifteen year olds shouldn’t look like that, nor astral project all nekkid like. At no point do either of them take Vibe remotely seriously, as illustrated by the turning of the severe downer reveal at the end of this fairly brutal arc into a jab at his complete cluelessness.
Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: “What, man! Whatchu talkin’ about?”