Friday, August 7, 2009

Martian Knock-Offs: Superman

Hey there kids! I'm Johnny Jones! You may remember me as the Silver Age Manhunter from Mars. You know what the term "Silver Age" means? It means I predate a bunch of rat faced punks who want to trade off my marketable uniqueness! This section is devoted to people who will be hearing from my lawyers! I call it...

"Martian Knock-Offs!!!"

Speaking of the eels, I've been warned by my attorneys to note that this is a satirical essay. It's intent is not to defame any characters, their creators, or their owners. It is here to whimsically point out observed similarities between the Martian Manhunter, and characters who are not the Martian Manhunter.

Alright, I'm not so arrogant that I think I sprang out from the void fully born. Obviously, I've got my own influences. First off, there's Superman... like I'm not reminded of that every stinkin' day of my existance. Yes, we're both aliens. Yes, we were both stranded on Earth while our home worlds were destroyed. Yes, we're both super-heroes, with the powers of...

  • Super-strength™
  • Super-breath™
  • Super-speed™
  • Super-hearing™
  • Heat Vision™
  • Telescopic Vision™
  • Invulnerability
  • Flight
...but cut me some slack, will'ya? I've got my own unique attributes that seperate me from Big Blue. For most of my life, my Martian race continued to live, and I even led them for several years. My personality and methods are totally different from his. I even stopped using most of the more Superman specific powers, and have plenty of my own! And it's not like Superman never ripped anybody off, huh? Do the names Moses, Hercules or Solomon ring any bells? Religion doesn't count? Try Hugo Danner, John Carter and Flash Gordon. That's pulp fiction, you say? How about when he stole The Marvel Family from Fawcett, and turned it into Superboy/girl/dog/cat/monkey/horse/etc.? Turnabout is fair play, you say? Well up yours, buddy! I'm trying to make a buck here, Mr.Righteousness!


LissBirds said...

Don't forget the ability to conjure up ice cream cones. That definitely sets him apart from Supes!

mathematicscore said...

I kind of like bitter and litigious MM.

Bookgal said...

And to amke robot copies of himself! I think he used that one on Diane Meade a few times!