Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Justice League America #65 (August, 1992)

Maxima was about to be executed by a vigilante. "I... acknowledge my guilt. Do what you will."
"Damn right I will, traitorous b--"

Just then, an explosion caused by the hastening destruction of Almerac afforded its queen a temporary stay. Of course, the heap of debris falling on her couldn't have improved her day. She was eventually pulled free by one of her more loyal subjects, and given a pep talk that turned her suicidal depression back toward hope. Maxima then summoned all of her remaining strength to close one of the three fissures opened by Starbreaker that were murdering her kingdom.

Ice was absolutely certain that her schoolgirl crush Superman had survived his dumping into another fissure. Sure enough, the Man of Steel's writer/artist soon enough had him healing the planet with a really big rock while aping Joe Quesada's art style. How did that work scientifically? What part of "really big rock" did you not understand?

Someone decided Starbreaker needed more motivation than "devourer of worlds," so he was now hung up on proving his superiority over the Guardians of the Universe who had jailed him. "--I'll tear their precious universe to shreds and ultimately-- do the same to them!" This would obviously tie into his downfall, as Booster Gold correctly surmised, "because bad guys are stupid idiots who usually manage to screw things up." Both Starbreaker and the Justice League members he had imprisoned in an energy cube failed to realize that one of their number, Bloodwynd, had vanished. Instead, they wondered where the Guardian of the Universe now inside the cube with them had come from, immediately after Starbreaker's confession. A place called contrivance, I'd imagine.

Starbreaker compelled the "Guardian" with eyebeams to "DIE YOU FREAK!" Not likely, as Starbreaker was firing on the energy cube prison, which he then shut down to get at the little blue man... I assume because someone decided the audience needed more motivation to figure Starbreaker totally deserved whatever came of his idiotic stupidity. Ice assumed Green Lantern Guy Gardner must also be nearby, because she, Booster and Fire were now being written as, like, sub-morons. Sure, Bloodwynd was the only one of their number to still have powers, as he restored himself to unnatural form, but you would think their math skills would remain intact. "What you saw was a result of my magic!"

Speaking of math: Flight + telepathy + eye beams + invisibility and/or teleportation + illusion and/or shape-shifting. Hmmm?

Bloodwynd disengaged from Starbreaker and flew off, leaving his comrades at the villain's absent mercy, and setting a lily-livered precedent that would become his hallmark. Blue Beetle observed, "I don't know where that weirdo Bloodwynd ran off to-- but we don't stand a chance without him!"
"Worms! Where is the one who deceived me? Where is he?"
Booster Gold was "kinda wonderin' that myself."

Blue Beetle hooked the "futuristic gizmos" in Booster's wristbands to a force field generator in the royal castle. "You two! What mischief are you dear boys plotting?" In seconds, Beetle had devised a means to syphon all of Starbreaker's power. In other news, Brainiac 5, Reed Richards, and Dr. Doom all just said "whoa!"

Oh yeah, so where was Bloodwynd again? In some equivalent to the Arctic. "Defeating Starbreaker is less important than saving Almerac. This frozen wasteland's destruction must cease. A formitable task."

Ice managed an ice shield to protect here teammates from the dissipating Starbreaker, of which nothing would soon be left but an empty costume. Superman arrived to declare, "I never thought I'd say this-- but I am impressed." I am too-- by your superdickery! Maxima arrived next, followed by Bloodwynd. Blue Beetle realized he must have closed the last fissure, but still argued, "We find out something new about you every second, mister! Who are you? Where did you come from-- and what are you all about? "
"I am... me. That is all you need to know."

Well... that was... existential?

Later, Maxima was put on trial for her crimes of neglect, and sentenced to permanent exile. Almerac would take on a democratic form of government in her absence. Superman felt, "Maxima has nowhere to go. --Except Earth. Hate to say it, but it looks like we're going to have her around for a while." Um... Superman? Wasn't this whole trip about extraditing Maxima to Metropolis for a murder trial anyway?

In closing: Booster Gold tried to mack on Maxima in her moment of vulnerability, and was shut down. Superman intended to have Green Lantern contact the real Guardians about restoring Almerac to its proper orbit. A Ray Palmer guest appearance continued to be foreshadowed without confirming his identity in any way. This book, by Dan Jurgens with Rick Burchett, continued to be entertaining mostly for its lack of craft.

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